V.D.I.S.T.Y.A.O.A. (part deux)

"Valentine's Day Is Suckin This Year And Overrated Anyway" club newsletter.

Greetings once again to all our senior members, and a hearty welcome to our new recruits. Actually, I can't remember who was in this last year, so if you know anyone who I forgot, please forward this to them. One thousand pardons if your name was left off the list by sheer compelling
force of accident.

Well, gentlemen, the accursed day is once again upon us. As our television-based commercialistic society keeps reminding us, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. In a valiant effort to bring the single souls together to rally against the heart-shaped monster, we have formed The Club.

Not to be confused with the popular bright-colored car theft deterrent, The Club is actually an abbreviation for that monstrosity of a title which you can see again if you really want to by hitting ctrl-y now.

We, The Club members, acknowledge the hypocrisy and unusually high suck factor relating to Valentine's Day, and its minions: the chocolate and flowers people.

Membership for The Club is based on two important factors:

1) Members must NOT be associated with a significant other (abbreviated S.O. here).  Especially scorned by the faithful are those people who have had a significant other for an extended, or Long, period of time (S.O.L.)
We pity those who are in bad relationships they want to get out of because they Suck (S.O.S.), but we cannot officially condone their position, because they are in obvious violation of rule (1).

2)No one can be in The Club without express psychic consent of most of its members. This provision is included to prevent genuine losers from joining The Club.
To clarify:
Definition of "genuine loser": anyone without a S.O. who is NOT a member of The Club.

Discussion of Club policy...

Q: What if I'm in The Club but then I get a S.O.
A: Congratulations! (bastard...)
In this rare case, you would be in violation of (1). You would receive an honorable discharge from the faithful but be secretly snickered at for being "whipped" by your S.O.

Q: Is it wrong for me to try to find a S.O.?
A: Of course not, are you fucking stupid?
Q: Sorry.
A: Sheesh...

Q: Why do we hate Valentine's Day (abbrev. V.D. here) so much?
A: We are concerned at the rapid spread of V.D.
Its silly ideals of mushy romanticism have no place in the "real world".   V.D. is not a great danger for us, because we don't even have S.O.'s.   However, in order to avoid feeling stupid about the whole issue, we must be supportive of each other in affirming ways by collectively bashing the hell out of V.D.

Q: Are all members of The Club considered equal?
A: OF COURSE NOT YOU SNIVELING WORM !!
A: we're sorry, we don't know what got into us there. What we really meant to say is "almost".  Sometimes some members endanger their good standing in The Club.   These people uphold the letter of our law, but have SOLD OUT in spirit.  We will kill these people.
Q: YIKES!
A: We were not actively serious.
People who put themselves completely at the mercy of certain would-be S.O.'s are selling out because such spineless sap is exactly what we hate about V.D.!  These people are crossing the line from "human" into "whipped" without even the satisfaction of getting "some".  All we can do is pity these lost souls and hope they find their way home to The Club soon.

Q: Why don't there seem to be any girls in The Club?
A: The Club does not deny membership to females as a rule. However:  Many girls who think they want membership are deluding themselves. We determined that most girls we know have at least 57 guys ready to walk over hot coals for them at any given time. Said girls are simply "not interested" in any of said guys because they are "just friends".
NOTE: This phrase is often used by girls as an excuse for why the hell they are so picky anyway.

Q: Why do they choose to be alone rather than choose an S.O. from one of the 57 coal-walkers?
A: Hell if I know. This is one of the reasons The Club has so many male members.

Well folks, that about wraps it up for this year. Please feel free to respond, add, comment, ridicule, etc.

If there's any late-breaking news, we will endeavor to keep you informed.

Hang in there people, we're all in the same boat about this Valentine's Day stuff.